untangled clarity.
i think i’ve finally unraveled the gnarled black mass of hurt and anger and gotten to the root of why i was so upset. it was less about the fact that we ended, and more about the aftermath.
when we started, we moved slowly, we were careful and composed and kept your previous in such high consideration so no feelings got hurt. i had no problem with that, not at all. it was very clear she meant something to you, she was someone important. it was endearing to see that even after things were over, you still regarded her as such and held her in such high consideration.
when you and i ended, i was expecting the same consideration, the same sparing of my feelings, and….to be quite honest, i don’t feel i received any at all. not only did you hurtle headfirst into this new situation, you didn’t even make the slightest attempt to hide the fact that you dove in the same weekend i left, and dove in with a dedication i never saw directed towards me, though we’d been together for more than twice as long. that HURT. feeling like this new situation meant so much to you at the same time that i felt like you acted as if you and i never happened…that felt so much worse than you and i ending did.
but, as so often happens, there’s a silver lining here for me. the last time i wrote about you, it was with the hopes that you’d respond and reassure me that i meant something to you; you responded, but not with the message i was hoping for. this time around, i’m not writing this for you, but for me, and not only am i not expecting a response, i don’t need one. i don’t need you to make me feel like i matter, like i’m something special worth holding onto instead of merely tossing aside. i don’t need what you never gave me, and not because i wasn’t worth it, but because what you’ve got to offer really isn’t worth much to begin with.
and that, my friends, is what letting go and moving on looks like.
